Part II

Second Part. Why Do You Want To Be A Rabbi?

10 Dean House, London County Council Flats

Push push the magic metal boxy, one leg and foot push, one leg and foot push push, first one, then the other… hard, hard, only at first, then look at me Mummy Evy I go, Mummy Evy comes out, worried look, tea towel, won’t stay for long, smiles, waves, waves the tea towel, finishes, goes back inside, saw me, saw me, saw Ruben, saw us, saw us, criss cross we go around the dark paved cracked dark like a road, cracked, broke near some doors, broke near where the trees and the birds go, the big birds fly there, stay in the trees, a fence, old blue paint, peeling paint, us on the playground riding our cars, push, push, with Ruben criss, cross, criss, cross, Mummy Evy comes out cross

—Come in now —she looks over at the birds and the trees, oh, at the cat, Ruben stops to look at Mummy Evy over at the door, our door, then at the trees and the cat, the cat not moving, then dash, dash, dash the cat bounces to the ground and runs back and forth, the bird goes with the cat, no, no, oh, oh, oh, oh, the bird spreads its wing, but in the cat mouth, in the cat mouth, the wing open, cannot see any more of the bird the cat running

—Come in I’m telling you both, come in now, come in now, come here, come here…

Neighbor lady knocking on our door

—They run around in them cars and shout, laugh out loud, shriek sometimes, and they’ll hit other kids any minute they go so fast, we can’t have them going in cars here all the time.

—But they’re just little cars.

—You can’t have ‘em here! All day long!

Benjy Dad comes home, throws himse lf on couch, opens arms wide, shouts —Come here —We run to him, hugs and hugs, then lets go quick.

—Evie —Benjy Dad goes to kitchen. Talking quiet, can’t hear. —Benjy, you’ll haf to do something, Aunt Rannie was in here today, complaining at the top of her voice. You’ll haf to do something about the cars, it’s no good

—What’s the matta with the cars?

Next morning, run to see cars, cars gone. Run to kitchen, no cars.

Later Dad Benjy tells us —Look, ya got nice tables and chairs in the kitchen. Don’t spill your tea on the paint!

No cars! Cars gone!

So they give you little car, the wood car, the car paint red and green, the car with the pedals, one for Ruben, one for me, car with the yellow wheels, they take car away cuz neighbor angry lady, angry lady, Ruben and Aaron shouting, shouting, laughing in the pedal cars, Benjy dad smash the cars, smash the car, smash it, cut it up into table and chair, little table, little chair and throw away the pedals and the wheels, in a box, in a corner, metal pedal, cracked and broken moon wheels…

angry, angry, stamp foot, stamp, stamp, stamp, so angry, so angry, so angry cars gone, cars gone, no no no no bring back the cars

—Where are the cars. Cars now!

No no nono nono nono… Door open to air out the place, I run out the door, I run to trees and birds, I hug the railings, I try to bend the railings

—Come here, come in —Dad Benjy shouts out the door. —Doll… —he goes inside

I run to the other side of the playground… I run out the gate to the pavement… running is good like stamping, stamping, run, run, run towards kinderschool, run… but can’t go in, door covered with metal door no door… I follow the street curve round on way to Finsbury Park… get to lights. But no people, lights flash but no people, no game. Stamp. Stamp. Two or three people next to me. Lights flash, play game, cross dark playground floor together, to pavement on other side… again, again, louder now, woosh, woosh.

I walk, wait, play lights, cross the dark floor playground with all the people, down here, me down here, down here (points, always point, always show Benjy Dad, down here, I am, but Benjy Dad not here now)

walk, walk there Finsbury Park…there… when park? where’s park?

waiting with people to play cross the dark playground, watch the lights, people watching the lights, then cross together, go, go with the people, like Mummy Evy when we go to the park

walking looking at shops, shops windows… pet shop… grocers… greengrocers… thin little people in windows wearing sweaters… walking along the pavement like Mummy Evy, no go dark playground, careful, woosh woosh woosh, big cars, big cars, big bigger cars with people and their eyes woosh woosh woosh, scary woosh, scary big cars, walk with people along pavement, then play watch the lights game watch the lights and cross together… woman looks like Nana, woman looks like Nana, she is looking at me, not happy, look down, walk with people, then play watch the lights watch the lights and cross… where is the park? where is the park? Finsbury park, like Mummy Evy, ducks in the park

walk, walk, walk, walk, no dark floor playground, walk, wait for game of lights, with all the people, can only see people’s backs, they sometimes look down at me, I look into their eyes… nice game, people move, I cross with the people, cross the dark floor playground with all the people, then the row of shops, not doors, shops…

then strong hands grab me, hold me, lift me, everything a whir, my head is up there even a bit higher than the people, whisk, whisk, whisk… man grabbed me and lift me up up up, put me on his shoulder

—There ‘e is! I’ve got you! ohhhh, I dunno… I got you! I found you!

It’s Benjy Dad! Dad Benjy! Dad strong arms, hair on mouth, moustache mouth, Benjy Dad! Dad Benjy! Got me! High! High! Take me back to doors and nice open cracked dark playground.

So that’s it… they give you little car, the wood car, the car painted red and green, the car with the pedals, the car with the wheels, they take car away cuz neighbor angry lady, angry lady, Ruben and Aaron shouting, shouting, laughing in the pedal cars, Benjy dad smash the cars, smash the car, smash it, turn it into table and chair, little table, little chair and throw away the pedals and the wheels, in a box, in a corner, metal pedal, moon wheels… so angry, so angry, so angry, so angry, stamp, stamp, stamp so I go, I go, no no no no, stamp and run, stamp and run, bring back the cars, where are the cars now? No no nono nono nono I walk, wait, play lights, cross the dark floor playground with all the people, looking for the park, down there, me down there, down there (points, shows Benjy Dad, down there, I am, I was)

Then they find me, they come and find and get me, and grab me and hold me and lift me up and put me on their shoulder, I’m smiling now, I’m happy now strong arms Benjy Dad grips me, I go, go, go, walk, walk, walk, tired but walk, they come, they find me, Dad Benjy finds me, takes me back, perched up here on his shoulder, in his grip, it hurts, but ok, he doesn’t let me go, I’m Jack the Beanstalk! I’m Jack the Beanstalk, high in the tree, climbed high in the tree, now we’re leaving the shops

walking, waiting, playing lights, crossing the dark floor playground with all the people, down here, me down here, down here (points showing Benjy Dad, where I was all the time, down here, I am, I wasbut Benjy Dad not looking, shaking head) passing the shops and the pavement and the shops, now we can see the doors and the nice dark cracked playground, the flats, the playground and the doors, the trees and the birds and the railings, the row of doors, the doors, no more shops, now, the doors, our door, our door, walk, walk, walk, they come and find me, bring me back, Jack, Jack the Beanstalk high up on Benjy Dad gripped, Dad Benjy grip me hard on his shoulder high high. They put me on the kitchen floor and stand around me, inside the doors.

Mummy Evy asks —Where was ‘e

Benjy Dad shakes his head, shaking his head

Nana looking from Mummy Evy to Benjy Dad, from Benjy Dad to Mummy Evy, down to me, up to them

Sleepy sleepy sleep-a-lot

Morning comes door open to air rooms I get up go into kitchen, no-one in kitchen, no-one in toilet before either, walk round from room to room Mummy Evy and Benji Dad asleep, door to bedroom closed, front door open to air place, I go out slowly, slowly walk, walk slowly, out into nice dark cracked playground, our playground, walk around empty playground, walk round, over by railing and trees and birds, but no birds now, no birds, it’s cold, it’s cold, it’s cold. Then in just a bit Mummy Evy calls.

—Come in Aaron. Come in!!! Now!

Breakfast. Toast and milky tea. Milky tea. Slosh toast. Spill the milky tea on the floor. Mummy Evy shouts.

—Out! Out of the kitchen! Go to the veranda! Go to the veranda while I clean up this mess. Gotta clean up this mess now. Messy! Why did you both spill so much on the floor? Don’t laugh! Don’t laugh! Go out to the veranda and wait.

Lying on the veranda floor Ruben says —Marbles. Come on! We go out to veranda, on short shelf bowl of marbles, pitted and chipped, colors funny shape yellow, green, blue, pink, pitted and chipped. Flick. Flick marbles on the veranda floor. Mummy Evy and Nanna angry, look at us then cleaning, cleaning sloshy toast and milky tea on the floor, we flick the pitted marbles, marbles

Now I’m bored, I get up, I’m balancing myself on the veranda wall. Look down on the grass; it’s a fall, is it long fall?. Want to drop down. Slow go, green like the grass

But he sees each blade slowly swim passttt him in the air, and expects the fall to stop before it does. He wonders if he will be broken like the old cracked teacup on the kitchen floor on Friday but no. Aaron lands with a little bounce on his bottom. Bottom hurts. Just when he stands up it smarts. He takes one then several wobbly steps but OK. But where is he? There are no doors on the big grass playground, only windows. Aaron wobbls towards what looks like a corner of the beige building, he walks then all right, but inside with the trees and the birds so he goes back and a long way across the green is another corner, and there yes he is in the dark floored playground and there are all the doors and there is good door.

Walk right up to door, door still there, walk up to door and beat it with fist.

Mummy Evy opens door. Mummy Evy’s eyes. Mummy Evy. —How did you… get out there?

—Round the back. Hahahaha! And came back. Hahahaha!

And Aaron traipses in and like nothing keeps laughing and gets down on the veranda floor with Ruben again and flicking pitted marbles on the dark floor

—How did he do that? Where—??

—Is ‘e all right? —Asked Nanna

—Looks all right. Little Trotsky! —Mummy Evy and Nana shook their heads. Then went back to making the chulent.

They let me go to veranda outside if I promise not to balance walk on the wall…

—Okay.

Laugh laugh laugh laugh Mummy Evy no laugh, Mummy Evy no laugh, I laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, Ruben playing in veranda, veranda… marbles on veranda floor, marbles rolling the pitted glass colors on green veranda floor, through the little railing is the green grass playground down below. Flick flick flick the marbles rolling.

Enfant freedom preachers in the flats

Aaron leaves the flat at 10 Dean House, Mummy Evy has just fiercely broken into bits and pieces one of the drawers of wooden cabinet Benjy Dad has hand-crafted so lovingly for her, saying he didn’t listen to what she wanted and just made something for himself.

Ruben goes to the boys room and flings himself on the bed, starts reading his book of Hans Christian Anderson stories. The boys got these books for their 10th birthday. Aaron got the Grimms brothers, Ruben Hans Christenson Anderson. Aaron flings open the front door, goes out through that door, slams it shut, and at the last moment tries for that not to be too noisy; as he walks into the playground he hears Mummy Evy briefly interrupting her tirade. —Little bastard. —she says, then goes on —Benjy, ya nevah lissen to what aym sayin…

Aaron walks towards aimlessly for a few minutes, finds himself walking near the entrance to another building, walks along the row of dark brown doors; hears the word “Hello”; it’s Miriam sitting on the stairs.

She tells Aaron she feels sad… her Mum and Dad are very annoyed with her for not going to religious classes at her Cheder school, and won’t let her go to visit her friend on her birthday; she’s feeling her life so restricted with her parents’ rigid rules; Aaron tells her she doesn’t have to fight with them, argue with them, in a few years maybe they’ll get better, or not, but she will grow up and be able to live the life she wants as she wants it.

Miriam says to Aaron —I can see you’re upset too. You don’t come walking by this way very often either. —Smile.

Aaron tells her about Mummy’s temper tantrums, and about the advice of the primary school headmaster… William Ellis isn’t the place for you twins, Grocer’s would be ideal for a number of reasons. Why? we ask? Well, in life we have to find the best place for ourselves, the most suitable, where we really fit in… Ruben and Aaron don’t understand, but Benjy Dad had explained.

—Bastard. It’s cuz we’re Jewish. Jews can’t go to William Ellis. They gotta be happy being accepted at Grocers. It’s good enough for them’. (And it’s not “Grocers’ Company’s School” any more, it’s Hackney Downs School now, they’ve made it more respectable.) —How many times have I told you, you have to be better than everyone else; if you’re the same, and you’re Jewish, they’ll choose the other one, you’ll lose, always. Gotta work harder to be better than everyone else, to shine, then you get in.

Miriam preaches back to Aaron. —One day we’ll be happier, yes, one day we’ll be free as little birdies… —Miriam smiles as she speaks to Aaron. Aaron feels better. They both grin and nod their heads at each other. —Gotta go inside —Miriam says, raising her 10-year-old eyebrows. They nod again at each other, Aaron can see her face (her face glimmers so strongly as she nods).

Don’t think I ever spoke to her again before we left for Amerika.

Brain Drain to Kanada

The child gazed at the blue sky above but it wasn´t really blue being trilled with white clouds like they were used and were spent, and a little dirty, dissolving, right you are, a British sky, an English sky. In the spring.

The child couldn’t find the sun, so shifted their attention to a Vickers bomber trailing cloudlets of a different shade, a man shade, also dissolving, also British. Also English. The Bomber moved ever so slowly, so high up, so high up. It showed strength, the bomber, and wasn’t coughing.

On the ground was a different story. —Dad’s home. Dad’s home.

Both boys, back from their bike ride, one blue and one red, yet identical, led their bikes in round the side door leading to the garden, left their bikes in the place allotted for their bikes, and came in the side door.

Mummy Evy and Benjy Dad were having their five o’clock cocktails.

—Guess what boys? —shouted Benjy Dad. —Guess what?

—wot?

—We’re moving to Kanada in three months! Things aren’t so good at de Havilland these days, and at a lot of aircraft companies here, we know that, so we’ve decided we’re not gonna buy a house here. Besides, we wanna get away from all this!! —gesticulating vaguely around the ceiling where we supposed the almost מניין (minyan) of brothers and sisters (aunts and uncles, cousins to us) were dryly commenting on the goings on, as was their wont.

—Think Benjy will really go? —Who knows? —Tea’s ready. Pass the salt. (They’re always up there!)

The clouds dimmed. Dad Benjy set his drink on the side table and opened his arms wide on the couch where he was sitting. Mummy Evy looked on smilingly from her facing couch, enthusiastically nodding. —Go on boys, we’re celebrating this today! We’re leaving in three months.

Ruben and Aaron ran enthusiastically over to Benjy Dad and the three met in a tight hug. Habitual, but not common.

—Kanada, Kanada, where, where is that

—It’s to the north of the United States —Ruben answered his brother, then asked —Where in Kanada? We were just studying Kanada in Geography. Where? What province? What city?

On the coffee table between the two couches lay brochures, maps. Marked maps, with routes, and brochures of the places.

—Look boys. Quebec. Look, Montreal! We gotta learn French, I think.

—Wot we gotta learn French? —asked Mummy Evy

—Naa —answered Benjy Dad —Everyone talks English. In Montreal everyone talks English and French. Look, the English Montreal School Board, the EMSB, full of great schools. —waving one of the papers.

The boys rushed over to give Mummy Evy her hug.

—So we’re gonna start selling the furniture. And stuff.

So every day we start to see stuff, our own stuff, Ruben and I, appearing in boxes. Weird: they never asked us to do anything. Packed boxes start appearing everywhere, in ordered piles. Holding stuff from pieces of furniture, and as they emptied they got, like, closed; put somewhere; sold; gone.

So after a couple more days, a week I think it was, we had another celebration day. Hugs to Benjy Dad on his couch. On Mummy Evy’s couch, hugs with Mummy Evy. They had cocktails and chinked. We never actually drank there… the idea was, celebrate this new thing, this wonderful change, achievement or something (I forget what it was that day), then the boys go off to the kitchen to make some tea, and kind of leave Mummy Evy and Benjy Dad to go on… celebrating. While the boys had toast and jam in the kitchen after the bike ride.

There was no ברוכה (brucha, blessing).

So on some days, there were more brochures, maps, marked, neighborhoods, circles, houses, floor maps, fish ‘n chips. Aaron often used to walk the short distance into town and buy the fish and chips, four servings, wrapped in a single cone of newspaper, delicious smell, newspaper slightly oily but firm.

So early on the morning of the move, banging on the wall. The boys stayed in their bedroom, already dressed in their white underwear, waiting to be called.

Banging on the wall. Shouting.

—Boys! —They were in the kitchen. The boys wandered in, their underwear.

Mummy Evy was coming out of the kitchen. She passed by us and went on. We went into the kitchen.

Benjy Dad’s huge shaking face spoke to us through his eyes, huge and huger.

—I’ve had a terrible dream. A terrible, terrible, dream. We’re not going. It’ll be a terrible, terrible mistake to go there. To Kanada. Horrible things will happen if we do. —Benjy Dad bent his huge head, grey even then, and wept. —I don’t know what we’re gonna do. You can go back to bed. Go back to bed. —It was a little startling. We wandered back to the living room.

Then we wandered back to bed. Gazing for hours at the ceiling, both of us. Waving to the smiles and the quiet guffaws. At one point the boys wandered into their bedroom, after Mummy Evy called. Somehow he was already there in his bed, eyes fixated on the ceiling, shaking his head, his lips squeezed tight. And his eyes. And Mummy Evy comforting him caressing his head using movements she was not used to. Big shaking head. Benjy Dad head sat up, put his hands over his eyes, shivered, or cried or just sat their shaking too, his head too. Then one quick gesture of Mummy Evy and we were back in our room, reading in bed.

Ruben had Hanns Christian Andersan,

—Shit. His skin looked… grey.

Aaron had Grimm’s; fairy tails.

—Or grey-pink. Yeah.

Then for the next few weeks some kind of order first emerged then was reckoned. Just the same. No-one went to work, or to school.

Until we moved to London. Back to London. Until we wandered back to London.

…more scenes up soon, as they’re ready…